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Do I continue to pray for my marriage? - 11/23/2008 3:42:23 PM
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ellesyd
Posts: 2
Joined: 11/23/2008
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Hello all~
As I am new to this forum, I am humbly asking for Christian guidance.
A little background...sorry you have to know to understand...
I was a correctional officer in a maximum state facility. I took my job very seriously. Never saw inmates as "men" in the regard that I would want anything from them (intimately etc). There was a man who loved the Lord. We worked (worked literally) together to help him with various issues he was having with his children etc....One night I had a dream, the next few days I couldn't get the dream out of my head. I felt compelled to tell him (mind you I am a Christian and didn't want to jeopardize my job). I finally told him of the dream that he was an integral part of. I comitted professional suicide. Upon his release, he came to live with me. He was my soulmate, we were married six months later. I know all of the above sounds foolish and haphazard, but both of us being Christians, we believed that it was the right thing to do. Subsequently, I was forced to resign.
We've been married for over two years. We are in love, but there have been so many hurdles that we have jumped together, despite our differences. He is a good man. I love him very much and I will stand by my decision to marry him. I will stand by my husband for eternity as I believe that God has a huge purpose for our uncommon bond.
My mother died one year ago. She was an animal hoarder, her house was in dispicable shape, she desired to come home to die. In a gargantuan task, my husband and I along with others, made it possible for her to come home in her last days. In the past year, we've put over $40,000 in to renovating the house to sell as it is very expensive and isolating. It's a horse farm that isn't what we dreamed for ourselves.
In the past year, we've struggled with addiction (his narcotics/pills) me (alcohol). He's sought treatment countless times, I'm only recently seeking for mine.
On Veteran's Day, our frustration with the financial and emotional burden with this farm, we fought and he's left. Tired of being here and tired of the struggle. He's left me with all of it. I don't blame him for being tired of it. We've seen this place as a curse, too much to bear, too much financial burden as we both struggle to obtain gainful employment. I'm stuck here and feel hopeless, alone and abandoned. He's gone to his family for refuge and I am the enemy. We both are to blame for what has happend under the enormous struggles that we've faced.
As we are both Christians, I've tried to talk to him, calling etc., he ignores me. It is extremely painful. I have a wonderful God-loving 8-year old daughter whom I need to be a role model for and I find myself crippled without my husband. I don't know if I should pray for reconciliation of our marriage or let it go as there has been so much that has tried to come between us. What do I do if he continues to ignore me?
However, we struggle with addiction
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RE: Do I continue to pray for my marriage? - 11/23/2008 11:30:04 PM
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creationtalk
Posts: 702
Joined: 6/9/2005
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Always pray for restoration of your marriage. It is never God's will for a marriage to end.
However, while you are praying, you need to concentrate on getting your life back on track. You have a child that needs to see you addiction free, emotionally healthy. For your daughter's sake, you need to beat the addiction. The Bible says do not be drunk on wine or spirits. You are to yield control of your life to the holy spirit alone.
If neither of you wanted the farm, I'm wondering why you felt it necessary to sink so much money into getting it ready to sell. To be honest, I do not see how you can hope to get back $40,000 in the sale price. Unless there was significant debt on the property, I would have recommended selling it for the land alone. However that is in the past. Can you sell the property as it is now? If you do, will you at least come out debt free? If the answer to these last is yes, you may want to sell the property and move to where you can get a job to support your daughter and yourself.
as to
quote:
I find myself crippled without my husband. I don't know if I should pray for reconciliation of our marriage or let it go as there has been so much that has tried to come between us. What do I do if he continues to ignore me?
The only person whose actions you can control is yourself. Get up each day giving the day and your marriage to God. God is your provider, your strength, your help in time of trouble. If you begin to dwell on what was/might have been, ask God to help you put those thoughts aside so that you can go on. If you think about your husband, pray for him--that he gets right with God and gets his life back on track.
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RE: Do I continue to pray for my marriage? - 11/24/2008 4:19:39 PM
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ellesyd
Posts: 2
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline
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Thank you for your response.
We had to sink all the money into the house in order to make it "livable" literally. My mother had 12 dogs living in the house. She was an animal hoarder. We had to replace all floors as they were destroyed by urine/feces etc. All the exterior and interior doors and lower walls etc for the same reasons. It wasn't a question of choice as we weighed out the pros and cons of doing it and consulted with God over it. We actually increased the value over $100,000 and we've had a lot of interest lately, through His grace. Fortunately it's only a matter of time (and the economy) that it will go. In the meantime, I have been attending Celebrate Recovery meetings and are enjoying the freedom of sobriety since.
Yes, getting up has been difficult and today, my husband and I met and spoke about our future. We both recognize our problems and understand that our addictions and disobedience toward God has gotten in the way of moving forward. Praise HIM!!! We are going to take it slowly and he will slowly move back home as we both continue in our recovery.
Again, thank you and may the Lord Bless you.
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RE: Do I continue to pray for my marriage? - 11/26/2008 7:27:40 AM
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seagullplayer
Posts: 118
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline
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Continue to pray together.
Find a Church, now.
_____________________________
The world has only one problem, sin.
There is only one solution, Jesus.
THE WAY.
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RE: Do I continue to pray for my marriage? - 11/26/2008 11:48:05 PM
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aleduus
Posts: 1
Joined: 11/26/2008
Status: offline
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Yes, find a church and pray that you and your husband can work things out. Your daughter does need to see a role model and that means her mom and stepdad working things out in their marriage and not quitting. God Bless.
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