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I'm planning to leave my husband - 3/14/2010 9:58:02 PM
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strifland
Posts: 5
Joined: 5/28/2009
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Yesterday, we stopped by the pharmacy to get a 2009 report for taxes. Well, it had on it 2 different prescriptions for Viagra for my husband. They were back in May and July. We have had marital issues for a long time and I suspected that he was having an affair last summer (he was gone a lot). We have only been intimate twice in the last year, I have climbed into bed with him, but he doesn't show any interest. Well, I asked to see the bottles at home. He only had one with 6 pills in it (the prescription was for 8). The other one wasn't even the correct bottle and had a mixture of pills in it - with 2 of Viagara, but in a smaller dose. The prescription sheet said that both bottles were 100 mg. He denies having an affair. But, he went on vacation for 10 days in July to North Carolina and it says that it was filled the day that he left. He won't communicate. I feel that I have enough evidence, don't you?
I have talked with my pastor (last October). I told him that I was really embarrassed to talk with him about our marital issues. I told him what was going on. He knows me well, and said "You have nothing to be embarrassed about." My husband was baptized last October, after telling me that our marriage was important. I think that the pastor didn't want to interrupt the working of God on his soul, and suggested a counselor that was religious based. I have gone for 4 months, my husband went once. The counselor says that he can't tell me what was discussed between them, but he felt that my husband really wanted to work on the marriage.
I have a different value system and value honesty and trust. But - I don't trust my husband, because he is so evasive.
Thank you for your help.
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RE: I'm planning to leave my husband - 3/14/2010 10:09:42 PM
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WasLostAmFound
Posts: 598
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The first thing I'd do is ask him point-blank if he's having an affair. From that point on...you need to decide what you need to do.
IF he has broken your vows, then you have a reason for divorce...
_____________________________
Formerly known as NotDoneYet...but...God had other plans!!!! My new blog... http://retirednavywife.wordpress.com/
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RE: I'm planning to leave my husband - 3/14/2010 10:12:03 PM
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manda59
Posts: 7379
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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Your husband has had a kidney transplant and now has bladder cancer. Is it not possible that he has impotence issues from his surgery and illness, and may have been trying the Viagra in order to deal with that?
_____________________________
"What Manda said; well-stated and wise." deermousie, September 2010
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RE: I'm planning to leave my husband - 3/14/2010 11:34:31 PM
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strifland
Posts: 5
Joined: 5/28/2009
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So, why doesn't he want to be close to me? Who is he getting the Viagra for? I still feel as though he had an affair (at least one and one on vacation).
And - I have asked him, he says no, but I don't trust him. I think that he believes "what I don't know, won't hurt me."
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RE: I'm planning to leave my husband - 3/14/2010 11:45:26 PM
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bolt.
Posts: 2318
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: Canada
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If you don't trust him, he is free to rebuild your trust. Beginning with answering straight questions without evasions, and complying with any level of transparency you choose. After that, he can demonstrate his dedication to saving your marriage by choosing and pursuing marital counseling.
If he chooses not to do so, I too would question his past and his motives.
If that was the case, you would be Biblically obligated to first forgive him, then confront him with the sins you believe he has committed (adultery and lying about it) and ask if he will repent. If he will not, do this again in the presence of witnesses, and again ask him to repent. If he will not, ask your church leadership if they are willing to work with your husband in a disciplinary way.
Whether or not they are willing to work with him in a disciplinary way, when you have gone through those Biblical steps you are free to initiate a marital separation (in which you remain faithful and at least a little open to choices he might make towards regaining your trust).
So, I guess what I am saying is that there is a Biblical and righteous way in which you might have the opportunity to 'leave' your husband over this, but it is a very specific way, and it involves your true desire to help him choose repentance and rebuilding -- if there is any way he will. There are a few steps between where you are now and that final phase of possible separation. I urge you to take that path, to give God every opportunity to work in your situation, in your heart and your husband's heart. That process is in the Bible, and the commands of Scripture should not be ignored.
And afterwards...
Since your suspicion is that of adultery, you might have to contemplate during that time whether you are suspicious, if you are mostly-convinced or if you are sure. If you are sure, you might want to look into the theoretical debates on grounds for divorce that are present in the one-stop thread here (they don't let us discuss that regarding specific situations).
_____________________________
Are you having trouble getting your daily dose of the life changing Word of God?
Let my friend Brian at Daily Audio Bible help you too.
>>audio link<<
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RE: I'm planning to leave my husband - 3/15/2010 1:44:59 PM
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RYNODOG
Posts: 316
Joined: 3/15/2010
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Strifland,
Other than losing a child, I am not sure that there is anything more difficult to deal with than an unfaithful spouse. It is the ultimate test of forgiveness as we constantly remind ourselves that our sins against our Lord have been 1,000 times greater than our spouse's sins against us. It is such a difficult balance to make it clear that an affair is not acceptable while ALWAYS remaining open to his SINCERE confession, HONEST repentance and FAITHFUL desire to reconcile. Avoiding the worldly advise to "divorce and move on" and "take care of yourself first" and "you deserve more" are so very difficult in our therapeutisized culture. But, it can be done because it is Christ doing it through us.
Praying the Lord's prayer is so very powerful. I am assuming that this is a first marriage for both of you and have prayed it for you and your husband.
Bryan
LOVE SO AMAZING
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RE: I'm planning to leave my husband - 3/15/2010 7:59:53 PM
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Kath
Posts: 17702
Joined: 2/28/2005
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Dear Strifland,
I am closing your thread due to the topic. Please review the rules for the folder here
All threads that discuss divorce are referred to the One Stop thread on the topic.
Divorce:
Click Here
Please review the rules before posting in the Divorce One Stop.
Sincerely
Kath
Volunteer Assistant Administrator
Please do not reply to this message within the Community.
Please do not send me PMs regarding this message as I am unable to discuss it further.
Please email Community@salemwebnetwork.com with questions, comments, or concerns. Please allow time for a response. Please review our FAQ for an explanation of this policy.
Posts which ignore this warning will be removed without warning and may result in other action in accordance with the Terms of Service.
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