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I also looking for resources to support my role...books, websites, conferences, etc.

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ORIGINAL: iamonewithhim

I'm having a difficult time making a decision that I know needs to be made - without hurting anyone's feeling - I've been at the same church on and off for more than 25 years. However, my church is almost predominantly African American and I am Caucasian. I've been told that if I want to be in a position at this church I will have to go through the same racial issues that the founding minister did 55 years ago and that I'm not strong enough to do that.

But I believe I have a calling I don't believe that god has kept me alive through the child abuse, my mother's suicide, delivered me from alcohol and drug abuse, helped me survive my son's murder just for me to sit around and not be of service to God's glory. I tried the prayer ministry for 6 yrs and let me tell you it was the worst experience in my life - don't get me wrong I loved to pray and speak with the people when but the Asst. Dir.started getting calls asking for me and asking me to pray for the people - she made my life miserable. She yelled and screamed at me in Church and all the pastors would say is that I should just love her and leave her alone.

When my son was murdered I was told that my negative thoughts caused the murder, that I didn't pray right and this was may karma coming back to me for the things I did in my youth.

Well either god is loving and forgiving or He isn't - which one is it. Lately, several ministers as well as friends have told me that they think that I should try looking for a more inter-racial church - however, I want one where the word of God is taught, where there's praise and worship and where I will be able to be a blessing to the Church also - although I lean toward Baptist - it doesn't matter - I just want to be in the right church at the right time - and i don't care what color the minister is - I just want some divine doors to open for me - and there's no sense staying in a place where I've been told the doors will not open for me - over 20 ministers - but not one is of another persuasian; 20 teachers - no one of a different ethnicity; all the workers in the church are of the same race - why can't we be one at least on Sundays - aren't we all God's children - that's why my children found church so hypocritical because they were bi-racial - yet they saw what was going on.

Does anyone know of a Good christian church, will lots of praise and worship, healing services, deliverance services, the word being taught and a diversity of people in the chicago area - and I'm not talking about a church where people are going to sleep - but I church where the move of the holy spirit is there as soon as you walk in the door and the pastor is truly anointed - I'm hungry for a word from God and to be able to use my gifts (especially in writing, speaking and teaching) - although I haven't graduated from any divinity school I did graduate from a master's bible program at my church which entailed taking over 30 classes and have continued to study to show myself approved.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated - God Bles you.